Last week, I promised I’d begin answering the enormous virtual pile of relationship questions I have received from clients and readers.

One of the most commons questions is:

“Now that I am in a relationship, how can we continue to grow together?”

Or some variation on that theme.

First, I want to congratulate you if you are in a relationship and asking this question because it shows intention, maturity, and awareness on your part.

I’d like to give you my top 5 tips for “growing together” as a couple.

1.  Continue to grow on your own.  It may seem counter-intuitive at first, but it’s essential that you are responsible for your own happiness and your own personal growth. Yes, you want to be with someone that you feel happy with, but it is NOT your partner’s responsibility to “make you happy”!  Taking responsibility for your own emotional growth will go a long way in helping you both grow together.

2. Find new things to do together.  It’s okay to have independent interests, just make sure to find some things you both love to do, or see, or enjoy, together.  And then do them! Put them on the calendar; make it a habit to enjoy those activities together. Even the process of discovering new things you both love can be fun and exciting.

Doing what you love is energizing and doing things you love with someone you love will energize the relationship.  And finding new and exciting things in life promotes growth!

3. Be open with each other about how you feel, and decide right now that you will do your best to NOT take things personally. (Yes, this is MUCH easier said than done, I know, but the intention will take you a LONG way).

Yes, being open about how we feel requires us to be vulnerable. It is okay to be vulnerable (and speaking of vulnerable, if you haven’t watched Brene Brown’s TED talk on vulnerability, do it now!)

4.  Learn to be a better listener.  Seriously.  Active listening is a learned skill.  It takes practice.  It isn’t just about waiting your turn to talk (that just makes you a good waiter, not necessarily a good listener.)

5. Recognize the difference between secrecy and privacy.  Respecting each other’s privacy is important. However,  secrecy is not okay.  In addition to damaging relationships, a new study shows that keeping a big secret undermines your chances for happiness in general!

So there you have it!

• Be responsible for your own happiness and emotions
• Find some fun things to do together,
• Make the choice to be open and vulnerable,
• Become a better listener,
• Respect each other’s privacy, and no secrets!

Let me know how this post has helped you. I would love for you to share your own tips and thoughts in the comments section.

Love & Magic,

Cindie