As children, most of us were taught to “say please and thank you.”
Marshall Rosenberg said that anytime anyone expresses anything they are always either saying “please” or “thank you.” Often what we hear people say does not sound like either of these, but we have to be willing to look a little deeper.  We must understand that feelings are always connected to needs, and whether or not those needs are being met. If someone has needs that are not being met and they are angry, we may hear them blaming us, calling us names, or saying other hurtful, angry things to us, but in reality they are just in pain because they have a need that is not being met.  And even though it is not our direct responsibility to meet their needs, we can understand that they are saying “please”…”Please help me meet this need I have.”  Likewise, if someone expresses to us their joy, or happiness, they are really in effect saying “Thank you.”  They are expressing that a need they have has been met. Read more