The Art of a Proper Meltdown
This is not the easiest thing for me to admit. But, last week I had a meltdown.
A bunch of stuff had been weighing on me and of course I KNOW this stuff isn’t the truth (at least I know it isn’t the “true true” – because it didn’t feel good…it is the “evidence” that I was seeing that DIDN’T feel good), and I KNOW this…but still…occasionally meltdowns happen.
And it’s not always a bad thing. Pressure builds up, and it needs release, and sometimes the best way to release it is to, well, have a meltdown. But there is an art to having a proper melt-down, especially if you don’t want the event to hinder your manifesting progress.
I had my melt-down after a long and sad conversation with The Handsome Sweetheart, during which he listened, looked pained several times, reassured me of my awesomeness and magic making abilities, and told me everything was going to be okay. We were in a restaurant, so we talked, ate some sushi, had a glass of pinot noir, enjoyed relaxing after a long day, laughed a bit, and then came home.
After we got home, the tears came. The Handsome Sweetheart held me and reassured me, his sadness mingled with mine, his love and faith in me giving me strength.
After I let the tears pour I pulled myself together and we had a lovely evening.
I slept like a baby afterward. I woke up refreshed and full of inspiration, ready to start something new, ready for success.
The Handsome Sweetheart is an incredible man, and I trust him with all of my thoughts, desires, and dreams. And he has faith in me, but not only that – he has faith, period.
He understands vibrations. He understand the power of words. He understands my personal brand of magic. He gets it.
This is precisely why this meltdown I had will not hinder my magic making abilities. In fact, if anything his faith, his love, his understanding of me and my magic – will increase and free up and support me in my manifesting.
The way to create more blocks, more resistance, more struggle, and more “where did my mojo go?” energy is to have your meltdown with someone who doesn’t “get it”.
Someone who is an expert at commiserating with you. Have you ever heard the saying, “Misery loves company”? This phrase exists because it is so often a reality. And the best way to have a meltdown that only makes things worse is to reach out to someone who only knows how to join you in your misery. At times this can feel good at first, (“Hey someone understands where I’m at!“) Until it becomes obvious that this person is dragging you over into Victimland, that place you were just making a quick pit-stop in and now…looks like you might be staying a while.
This is where the conversation just keeps going and going and suddenly turns the corner into a long drawn out convo about “I remember when this one awful thing happened to me, and this…and this…and this…” perpetuating the Victimland vibe and creating a wave of catabolic energy that can only lead to manifesting more of whatever triggered the meltdown in the first place.
So here’s the trick…IF you feel yourself about to have a meltdown, make sure to reach out to someone who can lift you up, someone who believes in you, a mate, a friend, a coach, a loved one who “gets it”…someone who can turn your vibe around just by being there with you.
Someone who can tell a better story than the one you’re telling yourself right now.
I promise it will all work out.
Love & Magic,
This is so true, the last thing anyone wants is to melt down/ break down in the presence of someone who’s too invested in judging you as weak or using it as an opportunity to complain for themselves.
I often tell people that the work of true friendship is not to judge, but to allow, to observe and to accept. And of course, to believe in the best. As a friend, the holy task is to hold the space of not knowing for your other who suffers, that is not knowing how things will end, not knowing what to do next, not knowing what it all means, now knowing how they’ll do..for now. It’s to be a witness to the pain but not to be judge and jury for it, and most importantly, not to let the moment define the person in suffering.
It’s unfortunate that too many people use the sorrow and sadness of others to assign predominance in the relationship i.e. when you’re weak (as evidenced by your break down), I am strong. I went through an intensely difficult time, let’s call it Talkshow Difficult – and managed through the years to slowly heal and rebuild. I understood that even with much sympathy and understanding, not one of my friends or family could ever truly understand the brokenness that was left behind. So I said, it’s ok, this is my kintsukuroi. At one point, I wrote a focused blog around this identity to find chances to heal some parts in obscurity and many anonymous voices helped. The darkness isn’t just there for bad things but for good things as well.
But..to this day, if I’m in pain and express it to the same people who witnessed the trauma first hand, I’m back wheeled to being THAT person again. I realize in the end that much of that is their own pain, and perhaps their own lack of processing over the situation – it’s essentially the fear that whatever happened to me and I’m one of them, would and could eventually happen to them as well. Now if I need a melt down, I accept I may not have a willing witness, at least not for the whole thing and that’s ok. I accept that people give what they can, and that they want to. I focus more on the fact that they felt my hurt so profoundly and that they still wish to give.
It is however a real lesson in self-love and self-care. Moments like that are not about a hot scented bath but about accepting what you need, not apologizing for it and being ok that just because others can’t show up the way you need them to, doesn’t mean they won’t show up in some way. You’re still winning.
Angel, thank you so much for your thoughtful comments here. I love the way you wrapped up your thoughts saying:
“I focus more on the fact that they felt my hurt so profoundly and that they still wish to give.
AND:
just because others can’t show up the way you need them to, doesn’t mean they won’t show up in some way. You’re still winning.
You truly are winning with an attitude like that.:) Sending you love and much appreciation for these powerful words. xo
I love the reminder about the appropriateness of meltdowns … so many folks in conscious creation world think we’re not supposed to have them under any circumstances if we’re doing our “vibrational work” – but what you’ve described here is an empowering way to honor whatever feelings come up. Thanks for this, Cindie! 🙂
I love this post, Cindie! It reminds me of how I like to say that I have people I can talk to if I want to keep rolling around in the muck… and then there are those select few I can turn to who will help me get the heck out!
LOL I LOVE that Lisa!! I think it’s a very worthy goal to grow that group that can help get us out!! So glad you shared that thought! xo
Thank you Jeannette! I truly believe that all of our feelings are a miracle, and they all have very important information for us – and even knowing that I sometimes struggle with letting myself really feel those uncomfortable feelings. Learning to have the feelings without having an inappropriate display of emotion is a valuable skill. And having people in our circle who love and support us and can bring our vibe up is invaluable!